So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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