it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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