You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
