dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize