i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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