I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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