for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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