my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
