no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
