It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
