You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
