Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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