i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
