What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
