that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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