Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
