Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
