He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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