I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
