do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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