Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Two words: nipple clamps
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