The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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