There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
