Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
