The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She said her name was "party"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
