Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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