I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
