I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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