remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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