Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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