It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
