Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
