I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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