the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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