I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
