I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
