He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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