So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
