I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
