so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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