True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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