there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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