my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
