Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
