Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
