sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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