this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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