Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
