I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
