He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
