the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
