He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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