I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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