How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
