I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
