WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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