The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize