Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
