I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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