He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
