So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
