At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There are leaves in my underwear?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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